Bloody Tears. A dedication to my Unborn Child.

It all happened in front of my step kids.

We lived in Jersey City at the time, my first biological child was 6 months old & my wife was about 4 months pregnant with my 2nd biological child on the way.

My wife was relaxing on the bed & all of a sudden, she started to have contractions. Her face became red as she was panting in pain. With sweat on her face, I tried my best to comfort her, thinking this would pass.

Then it happened!

Her water broke. I began to panic.

My 6 months old was in her crib, & my step-kids were watching cartoons in the living room. 

I dial 911.

Then I remembered across the street was a depot where they parked the Ambulance Truck (EMS). So I ran across the street & saw two EMS workers & told them what was unfolding in my apartment. I begged them to help me get my wife to the hospital. 

They looked like they just got off duty & really didn't want to help. They told me to call 911. I told the that I already did, but I wanted to get her to the hospital ASAP! To which they replied I should wait for them to come.

Not wanting to plea with them any more, I rushed back to my wife. 

There I found my step-kids confused not knowing what's happening to their mother. 

My mother-in-law rushed over & finally the Ambulance arrived, & I told them, "My wife is giving birth but it's too soon!"

We were going to take her to the back of the Ambulance truck, but her screams became more intense due to the pain. She was literally going through labor. 

The EMS worker decided to lay her down right there in the living room to deliver the baby. 

As my step-kids, ages 3, 4 & 6, watched helplessly, I stood there in shock as this whole scene unraveled before my eyes.

The EMS worker said to the other EMS, "Yeah, she's giving birth...." Then moments later, in a sad tone, the EMS worker said, "Oh....man, it's was a miscarriage."

It was then, I saw my baby's lifeless body. I vividly remember seeing my baby's arms & legs dangling as the EMS picked my baby up from the torso, to wrap the remains up & place my baby's body in a bag.

My mother-in-law came in time to watch the kids. We got in the back of the Ambulance, my wife crying in agony the whole time.

In the back of the Ambulance, I tried my best to console my wife, but what can I say? I was in pain, I was confused as to why this would or could even happen.

Curious, I asked the EMS worker, "What's going to happen now? What are we going to do with the remains?" As my baby's remains lay there besides us, in a bag, the EMS worker said to me, "Oh, well, it's medical waste, there's nothing we can do." Not knowing any better at that time, I soaked up that Liberal B.S. . . this part of my memory really infuriates me because, ...

MY BABY IS NOT MEDICAL WASTE! ! !

I didn't know then what I know now. 

My baby had a heartbeat, it's own distinct DNA, it's very own unique finger prints.

Medical waste doesn’t have it's own finger prints. I felt my baby move before in my wife's womb & heard it's very own heartbeat & remember, my baby was alive at one point.

I had no idea, of the sick terminology used in this society to try to separate the personhood from the fetus, which is used by those with an agenda to allow the termination of a human life within the womb. In the womb is where the human life is at its most vulnerable. 

Now, I'm not saying the EMS worker maliciously told me this to intentionally mislead me. Maybe he believed what he said & was deceived too. (well I digress)

By the time we got to the hospital, they took my wife to the Emergency Room & I stood by her side. But as we were leaving the back of the Ambulance, I looked at the bag that contained my baby's remains one last time.

My heart was very heavy & broken in pieces. That's the last time I saw my baby. I never got to see the gender of the baby or I didn't even get a chance to ask. I just knew there in that bag laid my baby.

As we got to the Emergency Room, they transferred my wife from the stretcher to a bed. They laid her on her side. 

She cried & cried & cried.

Tears flowing down the side of her face, she was yelling, "Why!?!" Repeatedly shouting, “Why !?!” 

I knew not what to say. I just tried to wipe her tears aways & dry her face, only for more tears to drench her face as tears continued to flow down to the pillow that she rested her head on.

"As I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death...I will fear NO evil... (Psalms 23)"

At this moment, it dawn on me. Life is a gift, from God. He gives & He takes.

And it baffled that some people would deliberately choose to end the life of their own baby in their womb. 

Here, my wife & I are devastated by the loss of our baby, trying to understand, "why"...& others are just throwing away that gift.

I realize it's God choice (not ours) when the life begins & when the life should end.

I wasn't a Pro-Life proponent up to this point, but this experience made me the Pro-Life warrior I am today. I wanted to be a voice for those innocent babies being slaughtered every single day.

I still had a long way to go, to realize my vocation & reversion back to my Catholic Faith, but, little did I know, this would help me decide where to stand on this crucial social issue.

If you read this blog in it's entirety, and had sympathy for my wife & I, I want you know, I deeply appreciate your compassion for us.

I love you all, whether or not if you agree with me.

 I thank you & I pray the Lord pours out His blessings on you.

This was the 1st of a few unsuccessful pregnancies.

Aa a dedication to my unborn children, I say to them, “I love you. The pain of not seeing you being born and taking your first breath, is a pain that cannot be described with words. Always remember, Papi loves you.”

P.S.

Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote called “Bloody Tears” Dedicated to my Unborn Child.

I don’t show all my feelings, because I hide some/

Lost a baby that could’ve been my son/

This fly thug, cries blood/

I pray to God with my eyes shut/

Sometimes I wish I was dead already/

for the pain I felt on the 22nd of February/

Wifey’s face was red & sweaty/

water broke on the bed already/

Can’t believe my baby was dead already/

Born breathless!/

My word, I wanted a death wish/

Right in front of my step kids/

It was all unexpected!/

Is this all that I’m left with?/

Cold memories & nightmares/

I ask myself, “Is life fair?”/

One Set of Footprints, but God’s right there/

It feels like He’s gone, but He’s right here/

with open arms & I’m right there/

My Unborn along Christ in that Light there/

I spoke Psalms in my wife’s ears/

She’s strong & it’s quite clear/

She’s putting on a fight here/

The Devil’s wrong & the Devil don’t fight fair/

I wish my Unborn, was in my arms, right here/

Right here!/

You see the blood in my tears/

Bloody Tears

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